Courses on Crime

So.... A recession, by definition, is when a city, country or world, goes under remarkable finacial strain. Various sectors in business shut down entirely, people are retrenched, fired or purely not hired. It's in these times that I think that there may be lucrative business opportunities - for example: Educating people about crime. Now I'm not referring to educating them on how to prevent crime, but rather, in these dire times of need, educate them on how to commit crime. After all, with no income, most people would turn to a life of crime.... well, that or simply commit suicide, but there's no money in suicides, unless you own a funeral parlour (a whole other story.) So, in these dire times of need, I propose a business proposition - Courses on crime. See? Even when you read it, it sounds like you could, possibly be educated on how to react against crime. Nope.

Thinking about it, I feel that it should cover the following:

1) how to pick-pocket
This should be practiced upon family and friends. Don't worry about alienating yourself, we're in a recession and soon enough they will start attending 'crime courses' too.

2) How to shop lift.
Again, this is first learnt at home. If your partner, parents, grand-parents or house-mates get mad, you need to calmly sit them down and explain that you are merely training for your future career, and by putting you down, they are not at all helping you with your self esteem and confidence. See, that's the key to shop lifting - CONFIDENCE.

3) How to hack into a bank account.
Once more, this needs to happen at home first. Either you will have to steal your housemates banking details, or gather the information sneakily by chatting to them casually and asking them questions. (EG. "Can I buy you a drink and What's your banking details?) The important thing here, is if they catch you, you state that you were stealing the money to buy drugs.

4) How to successfully sell drugs.
Everyone has access to the internet, so, you need to pick your drug of choice and learn how to make it in your basement. Do not worry if you get the mesurements incorrect, just never try your own products. Go to various clubs to pimp your merchandise out. If someone happens to have a seizure after taking something you sold him, stand around looking confused and concerned along with the rest of the crowd. Scream 'Epilepsy' a couple of times. If your client looks like he may spill the beans on you, Jump on him until he shuts the fuck up. When questioned about jumping on him, simply state that it was an alternate move to the heimlich maneuver.

I feel that this is a very good investment opportuinity and should anyone feel they want to invest in this business please do not hesitate to inbox me.

A second course will be optional, for the more physical and better paying criminal enterprises. Will keep you posted